Ready to Change? First, Let’s Debunk These Common Myths
Image by Joshua J. Cotten from Unsplash
Have you ever wanted to make a meaningful change in your life—improve your eating habits, change how you move, shift a relationship, or quit a coping mechanism that’s no longer serving you—only to find yourself stuck, overwhelmed, or quietly giving up?
This is a common experience, and it’s a reflection of how the change process is actually quite difficult. But not because you’re lazy, undisciplined, or unmotivated (let’s rewrite that script first and foremost).
Change is a skill. And like any skill, it can be learned. Many authors and researchers have explored methods for habit mastery and personal growth, and as a result we have a variety of frameworks and ideas to draw inspiration from.
Today we’re exploring practical insights from Changing to Thrive by Drs. James and Janice Prochaska. Their work outlines the Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change (TTM)—a powerful framework used in health coaching, psychotherapy, and behavior change science. I like to work with TTM in coaching because it gives us a clear, evidence-based map for what the change process actually looks like.
Let’s begin by unpacking three common myths that make change harder than it needs to be.
Myth #1: If you're not changing, it's because you lack motivation or willpower.
Actually, according to Dr. Prochaska, most people struggle to change because they don’t know how to change.
Think about a change you’ve been wanting to make. Do you know where you are in the process right now? Do you know what’s needed to move forward? If not, you’re in good company—and it’s possible you just haven’t learned to work with this change framework (yet)!
According to the Transtheoretical Model, there are six key stages of change:
Precontemplation – “I’m not thinking about change.”
Contemplation – “Maybe I’ll change someday.”
Preparation – “I’m getting ready to change.”
Action – “I’m actively changing.”
Maintenance – “I’m working to sustain this change.”
Termination (sometimes) – “This change is fully integrated.”
Notice: There are three stages before we ever get to action.
That’s why many coaching or wellness programs fall short—because they’re built for people already in the action stage. If you're still gathering insight or building confidence, those action-heavy approaches may leave you behind, reinforcing the false belief that you’re the problem.
But that’s simply not true—you were just in a different stage of change.
This also explains why we may jump into action, because we feel deeply motivated to try doing something differently (i.e. diet, exercise, coping with stress, etc.), but then it doesn’t quite stick. It’s often because we skipped the important inner work and situational planning to prepare for implementing a long-term change.
A skilled coach or counselor will be able to evaluate your stage of change and help you prepare so that the process of taking action and maintainign action is as smooth and supported as can be.
Myth #2: Doubt means you’re not ready.
One of the most common traps in the contemplation stage is waiting for full certainty. When in doubt, don’t act, we tell ourselves. Dr. Prochaska calls this hesitancy to act “chronic contemplation.”
But waiting until you have no doubts what-so-ever might mean you wait forever.
It’s easy to stay in learning mode—reading, researching, talking it through—but never quite moving. This chronic contemplation can last months…or years. Sometimes even therapy can become a holding pattern when both client and therapist are comfortable staying in insight-gathering mode, without ever making positive steps toward change.
Of course, you don’t want to leap before you’re ready. But consider that readiness doesn’t require 100% confidence. Often, it just takes a spark of curiosity or excitement about what’s next.
If you're thinking, “I’d like to change in the next month,” and you feel even a flicker of excitement (alongside some healthy, natural fear), you might be on the threshold of preparation. This is the time to trust yourself to get to the other side, and call in your helping resources to navigate change with ease and expertise.
Myth #3: You can build a new habit in 21 days.
Let’s bust this one wide open: meaningful behavior change usually takes at least six months.
Yes, 21-day and 30-day challenges are popular—but they don’t reflect what the research shows about lasting change. Studies suggest that people who sustain behavior change for six to nine months are far more likely to succeed long-term.
That’s why coaching isn’t a quick fix. When I work with clients, we spend 4–6 months together because it takes that long to build real capacity for change—emotionally, cognitively, and structurally.
The action stage requires effort: building new coping tools, reshaping your environment, setting boundaries, asking for support, and protecting your energy. If you’re overloaded during this stage, relapse is more likely.
So if a program promises life-changing results in 3 weeks? It may not be worth your time—or your trust.
Change is not linear. It’s spiralic. We loop around to where we started, we learn and improve, and we keep trying again. There are many behaviors that threaten health and happiness that never reach the termination stage, and these require patient effort to maintain. For instance, our choices in how and what we eat are deeply tied to social and emotional influences—it’s natural to find ourselves back in preparation as we reset healthy habits and re-establish ourselves back in maintenance.
Simply knowing where you are in the change cycle can give you clarity, direction, and compassion for yourself as you tend to your well-being. It can help you reframe setbacks as insight about where you might need to strengthen your boundaries and support systems, and realign with what is most important.
If you want personalized support mapping your own change process, I’d love to help. Book a free discovery session and learn more about what coaching can look like.
